A tribute to dads everywhere

It was the day before high school and Reddit user HotTomalesYum’s dad pulled her aside:

“He made me a promise saying something to the effect of, ‘If you are ever in a situation where you’re drunk, your driver is drunk, etc., you can call me and I’ll pick you up. No matter what time it is, know I will be there for you and I will not be mad or tell your mother.”

Two years later, she would remember that promise. It was 2 AM. She was at a party that she had lied to her parents about and she was wasted. Unfortunately, so was her ride:

“My friend that drove was drunk and insisted that she was fine to drive. All I could hear was my father’s voice giving me that talk. So, I called him. He was all groggy, but made the 45 minute drive to pick me up.

“Not only did he take me home, but my two friends as well. It was a silent car ride and I just felt like he was going to explode once my friends were out of the car. That was 10 years ago, and he still hasn’t talked about it to this day.”

Hers was just one of thousands of stories shared on Reddit this week after user DontMicrowaveCats posted a question asking: What was a “Don’t Tell Your Mother” moment you’ve had with your dad?

A lot of people recounted how their dads handled the birds and the bees talk—typical Dad territory.

“My favorite story from him of all time, was when he was telling me about ‘boys’ and that kinda crap and the proper way to handle things,” user Snowycricket begins.

“The conversation started out as follows over breakfast, ‘Hey, kid. Do you know what sex is?’ Immediately, I started laughing, as it was kind of awkward morning breakfast conversation.

“‘Yes, Dad. Why are you talking about this?’”

“‘Well, your mother wanted me to have this conversation with you…’

“So my father’s whole take on this, was to take me down to the grocery store for condoms prefacing this with, ‘Don’t tell your mother I’m doing this.’ Well, we were also doing a normal trip, and my father picked me up a box of condoms.

“LITTLE DID I KNOW… While we were walking through the grocery store, dad was doing his best to scratch off the bar-code to the box. He looked at me and said, ‘Here’s the money. This is your first check to adulthood kid. Go pay for it yourself.’

“Giving me the money, I stood in line and about died when the cashier tried to run the box of condoms and she gave up and loudly said over the loudspeaker ‘Price check on [insert generic name of condoms here].’

“I was so embarrassed, and living in a small town—everyone knew. Meanwhile, Dad was standing off to the side laughing so hard he was crying.”

A lot of dads, it turns out, were also suppliers of secret snacks or enabled entry to bad movies.

While most of the dad stories were humorous, some reflected memories of fathers who had passed away—and the life lessons they left behind.

“My dad and myself got some pretty sweet gas powered RC cars for Christmas. I was 13 at the time, and I mentioned to my father ‘Dad, It would be really awesome if we took some wood and made a ramp off the back of the truck,’” writes user Snowycricket.

“Fast forward 20 minutes, Mom’s gone off to work. And we’ve set up the holy mother of all RC ramps up the back of the truck and were launching these RC cars over the house. Both found it really hilarious, until I messed up and didn’t hit the jump fast enough. Ended up sending it through the window. Dad’s response as he looks at his watch. ‘Guess what, kid? Your going to learn how to replace a window today before your mom gets home.’ Six hours later, received one of the many life lessons from my Dad. He was such a cool cat, we have many stores like this. So many.”

She explains that her dad passed away last year but not before leaving behind one last memory:

“I’ll miss him. He was the best. He died just this last year. But goddamn the old cootspent a long time before he died setting up a secret ‘pirate map’ with an old chest buried out on our few-acre property. It had our favorite bottle of drink that we sat down and drank together when we were getting older, along with a diary of ‘Hey, kid. Remember this? You’ll be a strong woman when you grow up, I taught you a lot of things that will help you later on in life. Don’t lose sight of what’s important.’ Ahh.. When I found the box, I must have cried like a baby for about 10 hours outside reading that. And the final page said, ‘It’s okay to cry. I’ll miss you.’”

Dads: Here’s to you.

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