We all want what is best for our children. That ideal world when they need never feel afraid or sad or anxious. Where they never feel threated by bullies or and always feel comfortable stepping into a brand new school.
But since that ideal world doesn’t exist, many parents try to shield their children from the harsher realities of life. And that protection often starts at the library shelf.
How often have you picked up a book and wondered if it was too somber or too scary? Fairy tales often have that dark, even gruesome side that causes many to skip right by that section. In fact, many parents believe that children’s stories should focus on the sunny side of life, rather than select tales that mirror, on some level, anxieties children may face in their daily lives.
As psychologist Bruno Bettelheim wrote in his book, The Uses of Enchantment: The Meaning and Importance of Fairy Tales, this is choosing the “safe” path, but warns that such one-sided fare does not nourish the whole child.
“The dominant culture wishes to pretend, particularly where children are concerned, that the dark side of man does not exist. “Safe” stories mention neither death, nor aging – the limits to our existence. The fairy tale, by contrast, confronts the child squarely with the basic human predicaments. The message of the fairy tale: a struggle against severe difficulties in life is unavoidable, is an intrinsic part of human existence – but that if one does not shy away, but steadfastly meets unexpected and often unjust hardships, one masters all obstacles and at the end emerges victorious.”
That is not to say that we should put aside those happy tales that also delight children. But let them have a dose of the dark side. Sure, fairy tales can be frightening.
I remember one evening when I started a bedtime story with my son later than usual. Given the late hour, we had to stop when our main character and his friends were in peril. Threatened by a heartless wizard who had the power to transform people into any creature he desired, the hero of the tale was about to be turned into a snake when we had to stop reading.
Boy, was that a mistake. My son slept poorly, and was very anxious that all hope was lost for our hero. The next day he was eager to start the story earlier and find out what happened to the characters in jeopardy. He was greatly relieved when, at the last minute, the hero guessed the hero’s vulnerability. He turned to dust, and the companions were saved. Phew.
Not only did he sleep better the next night, but so did I. Let him know that evil may lurk around the corner, as long as he knows that the evil does not have to win. To drive that lesson home, we all need a steady diet of fairy tales.
