Have you ever spent the better part of a children’s birthday party with your son attached to your leg? Or tried to leave the kids at home with sitter, only to find your daughter running after you down the street? Then this post is for you.
I had one of those clingy toddlers. My daughter had made it through her first year of pre-school with relative ease. But as soon as she turned four, she suddenly became anxious when I was out of sight.
Almost overnight, the classroom that had been so familiar to her seemed scary. She didn’t want me to leave her there alone. Her teacher was the picture of accommodation and kindness. “She’s starting to worry that mommy isn’t going to come back. It’s normal,” she told me. “Just keep telling her that mommy will never leave her.”
“As much as I’d like to, I can’t promise her that,’ I said.
“It will pass,” the teacher told me.
In the meantime, after all the other parents dropped their children off, I lingered. At first right by my daughter’s side as she sifted through the sandbox. I inched further away as she moved to the craft table. On a good day, I was out the door within 45 minutes. On a bad day, she started crying the moment I left the room.
Separation anxiety can hit children at various ages, and experts offer a variety of tips on how to deal with it.
During this albeit brief phase, I turned to a lot of people for advice, but I neglected one critical resource – the fairy tales section of my local library.
How many characters from those stories have faced one of every toddler’s biggest fears – the loss of a parent? Yet do these characters crumble? The Hansels and Gretels of the fairy tale world – to give just one example – may face danger and hardship. They may be afraid, but they meet that fear head on, and, in the end, they are victorious.
As psychologist Bruno Bettelheim wrote in The Uses of Enchantment: The Meaning and Importance of Fairy Tales: “It is characteristic of fairy tales to state an existential dilemma briefly and pointedly. This permits the child to come to grips with the problem in its most essential form.”
After several months, my daughter’s clingy phase passed. But I sometimes wonder if I could have helped her more by reading her a fairy tale, rather than by standing next to her at the sand box.
For classic fairy tales with an interactive twist, visit: www.saturnanimation.com
